OOOOO look who it is? It's me Krista G blogging away. Here's the thing, I didn't start a blog because it's trendy or anything like that. I started it strictly because I journal a ton to myself, but what I find when I read my other amazing friends blogs is that in most cases it some how makes me look into my own life and reflect in my own way. It also gives me an opportunity to get feed back on my ideas from others! So, here goes nothing!
Right now I can think of a good number of things to write about, but what I would like to start off with tonight is something that I've been thinking a ton about since last night at Lukes large group. (which I might add I LOVE MY LARGE GROUP) We read the story of The Good Samaritan - Luke 10:25-33. Luke continued by telling us a story of something he had personally experienced in relation to this story of the bible to try and help us put it in our day and age better. He told us about a time when he flew off his bike and although a lot of people saw him fall, no one came over to make sure he was okay or to help him get up. We could also relate this to that of the lonely guy or girl sitting at lunch and we walk by pretending that we don't see them. Or how about when someone has hurt you badly. Instead of addressing the hurt or anger with them, you brush it off, act as though your feelings are not important. All of these are a form of indifference.
Next we were posed with the question "Do you believe indifference is a form of a survival/ protection mechanism?" I would say YES ABSOLUTELY. Blind to what we see, and deaf to what we hear. I believe that we care too much about our personal safety and our own reputation that we don't want to get involved.
I mean think about it.... isn't it easier to no say or do something then risk rejection or failure? We might not sit at the table with that "weird" kid because someone else could see you sitting with the "weird-o" and what would that in turn say about us? are we now the weird kid"? Or what if you don't act indifferent about getting that promotion at work or you put all your effort into something and then.... don't get rewarded for it. Can't it make you feel like a failure or not good enough? How about that person we talked about earlier who hurt you but you don't address it. What if you did address it and then they flip it around and no longer want to be your friend, maybe even get others to go along with them not wanting to be your friend?
Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that everyone has to be passionate about EVERYTHING in life, but I do believe that we can probably all pick out at least one aspect that we know we are extremely indifferent about. Maybe school, work, friends, relationships, future, confrontation, etc. Kinda living in the "well whatever happens, happens" or "I'm not really here nor there on that" state of mind. People!!!!!! God doesn't call us to be indifferent, in fact he says exactly the opposite in Revelation 3:15 i know you well -you are neither hot nor cold; i wish you were one or the other! But since you are merely lukewarm, i will sit you out of my mouth!"
I can think of many things that I am indifferent about that I should work on, but the one that I have noticed the very most as of right now in my life is in the aspect of guys. I am in a rut where I am so scared of rejection from a guy that I would never, ever put it out there that i was actually interested in someone. Why? Because, what if I put it out there and the guy has no interest in me? Well.... GREAT, now I walk around with even lower self confidence and feeling awkward around that guy or around everyone who knows about it. So, I feel like what I have started to do with out even realizing is put on this act to myself and everyone else that I don't care anymore, that "I'm not looking to date anyone right now" , etc, etc, etc..... Truth be told, that's not the case at all..... I WOULD date right now, I DO care what people think of me. What girl doesn't want to feel pretty? What girl doesn't want to know that a guy is interested in her, that someone would like to take her out on a date? What girl doesn't get a tad bit sad when you find out that cute boy is dating someone else?
I just think that its just been so much easier for me to be indifferent about things with guys right now, I don't have to risk any rejection. Instead, I just make everything a joke. Its been so much easier for me to watch everyone else get into relationships with out having to put myself out there or allowing myself to possible get hurt. But by doing this am I in turn hurting myself a bit? Is it easier for me to hurt myself or for me to do the rejecting before I can get hurt or be rejected by someone else?
Its such a double edged sword though because I have grown soooooooo much with God as of late (which I will touch on in more detail some other night) that realize that my worth is in NO WAY placed upon how many guys I date, what guys think I'm pretty, or how skinny I am. God loves me sooooooo very much for who I am inside and where my heart is and he is the only thing that matters. Someday God will place the right guy in front of me, someone who loves every aspect of me, just as I do of him. Because of this it, it almost pushes me into the indifferent mind set.... "whatever happens, happens", "I'm not really here nor there", "I mean.... I would date him, but I'm also fine with being just friends" but what if God is putting good guys in front of me and i am just being the blind girl pretending like I don't see them just because I'd rather not risk being rejected??
Not only that but I'm also way too old fashion, I don't think that girls should do the initiating of that type of stuff. I donno, I guess my best route to go about this right now is probably still not "look" for someone to date but maybe keep my eyes open and not be blind or closed off anymore? Trust me, this isn't my only aspect of indifference that I want to work on but it is something that I think I should take a look at!
What type of stuff are you indifferent about? How can you work on it?
